Your character has thoughts, share them.
How much woolgathering your POV character can do is dependent on your genre and your particular style. I like characters who think and reflect. In fact, it’s required if we are to write descriptions that are filtered through opinion.
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So how do we deliver thoughts effectively?
This will depend on what persepctive you’re writing in.
So here’s a quick rundown the common choices.
First Person is written from the viewpoint of “I” as in: I didn’t know I would fall in love with a vampire, but when he bit me it was all over.
Third Person: She didn’t know she would fall in love with a vampire. But she did, it was all over.
In first person you can easily share the POV character’s thoughts, because the narrator IS the POV character.
I never liked cats. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say I never trusted them. When I was a kid we had them on the farm. They were distant animals, half feral. Dad never let us feed them, and frankly who would want to? They killed cute mice all day long.
That’s a direct line into a character’s thoughts.
In Third Person we have to come at it with some slight of hand. Because in Third Person the narrator is NOT the character.
She never liked cats. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say she never trusted them. When she was a kid they were there on the farm, but they were distant, half feral. Her dad never let her feed them. Who would want to? After all, they killed mice all day long.
That example gives us some thoughts, but we get a sense that the narrator is telling us what her thoughts are. To get deeper, we have to peel off some of the narrator.
She never trusted cats. She knew their kind, sneaky, greedy little mouse killers that they were. A cat was a sort of demon, and folk who kept them in their houses were idiots. Dad agreed with her, and he wouldn’t let anyone feed them. The best thing she could say about cats was they kept the dogs busy.
Now that we’re getting into her opinions more directly, they come across as hers. There’s a tone to them that feel like she’s thinking them.
Dang. There was a cat ahead. Nasty calico with a notched ear. She circled to keep wide of it. You can’t trust cats. Sneaky little devils. They play with their kills. Merciless. She had no idea how people tolerated them in their homes. Growing up on the farm they were everywhere. Only purpose they served was to keep the dogs busy. She’d trained ol’ Barney to kill them every chance he got.
Now we are deeper into the third person POV. Did you notice how? The narrator is first reporting her direct experience of the moment. And the the declaritive opinion: “You can’t trust cats.” This feels like her direct thought. We are in her head.
Going deeper into a POV or choosing to hover a bit higher is a choice. We can move up and down these levels as the scene requires. I’ll address that in more detail tomorrow.
For now, just try it out.
You don’t need to italicize thoughts most of the time. But in some genres it is standard and readers like it. Some editors hate italicized thoughts. I’ve never read a convincing explanation for or against it.
Dang. There was a cat ahead. Nasty calico with a notched ear. She circled to keep wide of it.Can’t trust cats. Sneaky little devils. They play with their kills. Merciless.She had no idea how people tolerated them in their homes. Growing up on the farm they were everywhere. Only purpose they served was to keep the dogs busy. She’d trained ol’ Barney to kill them every chance he got.
To me that has a different feel, a different pace. I “hear” the italicized thoughts as unvoiced dialogue. So make your choice based on how it sounds best to you.
If you are introducing a new POV character, starting way down deep in their thoughts really helps immerse readers. Thriller writers often do this when introducing crazy villains and serial killers. Sometimes they’ll be so deep the thoughts come across disconnected and jarring.
He huddled in the garbage bin, nose full of old cabbage and rotty smells. Earthy stink. Worm breath. Eye to the hole. The street was dark and quiet. This was where she passed each night. Twelve thirty. Screw driver, flat head pressed against his thigh. Pain blossomed just shy of blood. The gift, the gift giver, the giver of glorious gifts. The honed flat edge. Like a knife, a wedge, to pry up the skin like a locked lid. Stay still! She might hear him breathing. He let the gift giver sliced his skin, just a little. He stopped himself. Save it. Save it. Save it. Save some for her.
Now we are mainlining this dude’s madness. We are witnessing stream of conciousness as thoughts arise. The reader understands he’s mad, and might even have slight sympathy for him even as they fear what he’s about to do.
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